How The Split Attraction Model Fails Us
Alice Scarlet Death
Asexual and Aromantic communities have gathered around this model that purports attraction is split. In reality, attraction is not binary either. Allow me to explain why I think this model does more harm than good.
After spending a few years in asexual communities, I’ve found that most people refer to the existence of sexual attraction and romantic attraction is called the split attraction model. This model can easily be used outside ace/aro spectrum communities.
That’s when I started to doubt its usefulness. As admin for a very large asexual discord server and also the person who wrote most of the glossary of roles, I began to see seeds of how the split attraction model just doesn’t go far enough to meet our needs.
We started to have identities such as touch-averse, touch-selective, and touch-favourable. Then we also started having people using prefixes like autochoris- and cupio- both of which express conceptual types of attraction. And finally, the suffix -alterous (Eg: homoalterous, heteroalterous) which means you’re not sure if the attraction you’re feeling is platonic or romantic attraction. For instance, it would be accurate to say I’m homoalterous. I identify as a Gray Asexual Lesbian and an aromantic. Some people’s servers try to tell me I’m homoromantic, and that’s not accurate. I could say I’m homoalterous. If only because I am platonically and aesthetically attracted to women.
Which brings me to my next point. Terms like that still hold on to the idea that split between attractions is binary. At least, how we feel attraction. I’m not saying the sexual and romantic attraction are binary on their own. Attraction is on a spectrum yet, the nature of the model is binary.
I suggest that we create a new model based on all the types of attraction that exist. Or least as many as I can come up with for this article.
Sexual Attraction: defined as attraction to a gender identity or gender expression.
Romantic Attraction: Same as above except more about feeling love.
Sensual Attraction: This is based on whom you are willing to touch or be touched by.
Aesthetic Attraction: For those attracted more on visual. Could be either ugly or attractive as long as it’s more about the look than anything else.
Platonic Attraction: You’d think this one is about just being friends. However, many people identify as being in a Queer Platonic Partnership. I often quote this when asked, “How can you date if you’re aromantic?”
Conceptual Attraction: Conceptual attractions are currently still being expressed in terms of sexuality or romance. Terms like aegosexual/autochorissexual, cupiosexual, or fictosexual. You might fantasize about sex but no desire to act on it. Or you don’t feel sexual attraction but still want to be a in a sexual relationship. And finally, sexual attraction to fictional characters but no human ones.
Kink-Based Attraction: Kinks are characterized by being atypical. It can be sexual, or directed by concepts and fantasies. I feel like it deserves its own entry since it doesn’t always have to involve sex. I’ve met people whom had been willing to play with any gender, but might only have sex with just one. Fetishism would fall under this as well.
Relationship Style: This explains how many people you may be in a relationship. Terms like ethical non-monogamy, polyamory, relationship anarchy, monogamy, or house dynamics commonly seen in leather communities.
We also use terms like sex-repulsed, sex-indifferent, or sex-favourable in addition to an asexual spectrum term as well as romance and touch. These are attitudes. Drives, per se. Or lack thereof.
I know this sounds like an info dump. As well as personal experiences, I also sourced the server I’m an admin on. Specifically their glossary
I hope you learned something from this article, it’s been quite some time since I’ve written one. I brought this topic up to a local ace meetup group and they seemed to like it so I tried to put it into words. I suppose if I’m inventing a new model that I should come up with a name for it? Perhaps “Drive Attraction Model?”
