The Art of Performing Anxiously
Alice Scarlet Death
I’ve performed quite a bit over the years, since initially playing shows in 2006. Since then, I’ve noticed that every show has a different vibe, and each angle with my anxiety in different ways. Today we’re going to talk about what made me anxious and what made me feel empowered.
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This is me on stage at a burlesque show. I’m not a burlesque performer but the theme we chose meant I should probably do my act where I just blow up a lot of condoms on stage roll around the floor popping balloons. I was anxious, super anxious. But I went out there anyway, and I didn’t care.
I have anxiety issues, and I can generally manage it, but performance anxiety is a whole different issue.
If you have it, you tend to usually only have it until the moment you’re pushed on stage
Remembering this one time somewhere between between 2006-2008, my ex-wife and I played at a popular venue in Nashville called The End. It was a new music night. All the other bands were grimey butt rock bands desperately trying to remind us that rock has blues roots. I saw so many tight blue jeans that night.
My ex played her viola. I was on the floor. Wearing a hospital scrub top and a crushed velvet skirt. Next to a TV with a boom mic. A peanut jar full of pennies and a pickup mic inside it. And a korg kaoss pad. Everyone was staring at me like I did something wrong. Considering the setting and the general mood of the room, I knew they either thinking it was stupid or at least “what the heck is this?”
And we performed. I made some cool noises on my kaoss pad. I turned the TV on, and scrolled through the channels with the knobs. Picking up static, and occasional voices from whatever it picked up.
Remember the can of pennies? Well, I started banging that around to get some random sounds from the pickup mic getting hit to death with pennies. I felt like I couldn’t hear it at first. So I hit it against the hard wood floor. Harder and Harder. My hand started dripping with blood but I didn’t care. I was getting my aggression out. The massive anxiety basically fueled me to get more active and not be ashamed. It was curious tho, like when I walked past people and looked at them, they looked scared. I think.
Then a few months later I played at an art gallery, and I a lot of my fellow local noise pals were there. And that’s when I felt completely inspired. I felt that since we’re all already on the same page that I had to like, do more to prove to them that I’m creative and different. I was too worried about that instead of just having fun and putting myself out there.
That’s really all you can do. Whether you’re anxious or not. My advice is that you should be yourself, and be proud of yourself. When you’re on stage, that’s really all you can be. Other people staring at you, with their expectations and doubts. They don’t matter. What matters is that you’re up there being you. You’re creating something from your heart and it is uniquely you. And that, my friends, is very special.
I try to appreciate each time I get booked. And even though I’m nervous as hell, I still manage to take that anxiety and use it to benefit my performances.
I know it might sound easier than it is. But you just gotta stick with it, you’ll likely start to realize that you’ll never stop being nervous before a show, but that’s a good thing.
